Ohh blogging, I kinda miss you.

So I FINALLY just bought a new laptop. Maybe I'll start blogging again? Maybe. =)

Blogging fail!

Man! I gotta get back on here! Next week for sure!

Faithful

Give me a Father.

Not my words..but words that I felt, for some reason, that I needed to share. Maybe just because I might need to read them again...daily. =)

Give us a King.
-Bob Hamp

It was a strange time in Israel. The people who had seen the Living God pour Himself out in their midst turned to Samuel and asked that he appoint a king to rule over them.

4 So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.” 1 Samuel 8:4-5

I wish I could tell you that I am not like them, but alas, I fear I am. I would never say it the way they did, but even that is part of the problem. We think that just because we do not say the words they said, that our hearts are not frighteningly similar.

I would say it more like this.

I wish I could wake up every day and have a predictable system that would help me to know that I am pleasing to God, and that my life is on track. If someone could just tell me how long my quiet time should be, and when in the day it should fall, I could rise to that standard and feel pleased with myself.

Or like this.

If I could compare all the pros and cons and sum up all the wise counsel, then I will know the next thing I should do. Like a system of weights and measures, I could comparison shop my decisions and make a reasonable choice. In particular, if all my friends were in agreement, I would be absolutely certain that I had arrived at the right choice.

Or, I might say it like this.

After lots of study, and a lifetime of testing the waters, I am fairly sure that I am in the right church now. These people are the closest to getting it right of anybody I know. Surely this must be the church that God has been waiting for. We have good (fill in the blank with words like scholarship, doctrine, worship, ministries), therefore I must be in the church that is finally “getting it right”.

The problem with the Israelites request isn’t simply that it was not God’s plan (though that is a significant problem). The problem with their request is that it unearthed the fears and insecurities that are hidden in all of us.

Walking with The Living God is mysterious and filled with sometimes-uncomfortable-process. Our life is guided by our best understanding of hearing God speak to us. God seems way to content to leave things unfinished for long periods of time. He seems more intent on digging into our souls, than in satisfying our momentary needs for closure or comfort. He seems like He wants to grow us more than He wants to make things clear and predictable.

But our heart’s cry sounds more like this:

“I want to know at the end of the day that I ‘got it right’. Give me a king.”

“I want to know what the rules are so I can be sure of the next several steps. Give me a king. “

“I want my life to be a simple process of exercising my will power. Give me a king. “

“I don’t want to be uneasy with making an unpopular decision. Give me a king. “

“I want someone else to do the hard work of digging into the mysteries and make it easy for me to understand. Give me a king. “

“Give me the steps. Give me a king.”

All these and more give us a glimpse into the kind of heart that cries out, “Give me a king.”

Dig a little deeper; I fear we might find an even uglier motive.

Think this through for a moment. If we have a king, he will tell us what to do. He will make clear the standards and expectations. He will provide the guidelines for how to live right. And if we can hang pretty close to these standards, we have someone to blame if things aren’t working.

“But God, I have been (now fill in the blank with words like: tithing, reading my Bible, serving, attending church) and things are not going the way I think they should. Why aren’t you making things better?” Somewhere down deep, if we have reduced God to a set of king-like, concrete, measurable standards, we can begin to blame Him when we are not having things our way.

The same kind of heart that led Israel to say “We want to be like the other nations, give us a king”, today leads us to look for easy measurable answers that can and should lead to predictable outcomes, allowing us to feel comfortable.

Perhaps the most tragic aspect of our bent towards king-wanting is what we discover when we consider the option that God offers instead of kings.

While we hunger for a king, God offers Himself: a heart-pursuing, ever-present Father. As desirable as this may sound, it also gives insight into a third reason why we humans might want a king instead.

Given a king, we can engage our minds, but keep our hearts safely locked away. Given a Father, we are called on to live in a vulnerable, heart engaged place, where the risk is more than just the fear of not meeting a standard. Engage your heart, and the risk is pain and rejection. Open up to a loving Father, and He may (did I say “may”?) ask that you surrender all your walls and give Him your battered, fearful heart. He may ask that you not simply obey Him, but that you trust Him.

The choice is still ours today. We can settle for the various concrete kings of measurable standards and self-protected performance. Or we can surrender our hearts to the Greatest Father ever, who promises He will never leave us or forsake us.

Give me a Father.

For a friend

99% of you can disregard this post. I'm putting a theory on here for a friend. But if any of you do actually read these verses and study this please let me know. =)

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
Matt 4:17, Matthew 3:2

THE KINGDOM OF GOD
Luke 4:43

THE KINGDOM
Matthew 24:14
All three are used interchangeably 123 times in the New Testament

ONE SAVIOR
John 3:16-18


SAVED OUT OF DEATH
What is biblical death?
Genesis 2:15-17, 3:1-7, 3:17-19

TWO DEATHS
Adamic death - Romans 5:12
Second death - Rev. 20:14

TWO HELLS
Sheol-Hades, the grave, pit - Psalms 16:10, Acts 2:27
Gehenna, lake of fire - Matthew 10:28

TWO PHASES IN THE KINGDOM
Earthly - Genesis 12:1-17, 13:14-16
Heavenly - Matthew 6:10 John 14:6

TWO SALVATIONS
Earthly - Isaiah 35, Acts 3:23
Heavenly - Romans 10:9-10, Matthew 16:24, Luke 14:25-35

ABRAHAMIC COVENANT
Genesis 22:15-18

THREE MAJOR COMPONENTS
Ransom - 1 Timothy 2:6, John 1:29, 1 John 2:2
Resurrection - John 5:28-29, 1 Corinthians 15:21-23
Restitution - Acts 3:19-26, Matthew 25:31-46

2011

I remember betrayal. I remember losing. I remember hate removal. I remember pain. I remember standing up. I remember giving myself again. I remember realizing that He wants to use me because of where I've been, not in spite of it because "Baby, I want to use purple haired-tattooed girls too.". I remember being told I was beautiful, worthy and loved over and over and over and over. I remember joy. I remember pain. I remember His faithfulness surrounds me. I remember being aware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. I remember loving him so much I felt like it was going to kill me, and then realizing that I wasn't even sure what love felt like. I remember realizing that it's NOT OK. I remember pain. I remember hurting because I was supposed to, hurting with HIM. I remember joy. I remember wanting to know what love is, wanting Him to show me. I remember putting up fences. I remember the prayer. I remember the answer. I remember pain. I remember wanting to want to. I remember the Mothers Day phone call. I remember being in the Phillips bubble and how it sustained me. I remember "God is great, God is good, God can be trusted." I remember memory lane up in the headlights. I remember that the greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. I remember thanking God that my brothers head is so hard. I remember being in the middle of the ride. I remember wishing monkeys could Skype. I remember the beginnings of learning what love isn't.I remember pain. I remember disobedience leading to insecurity. I remember realizing that He's enthralled with me. I remember realizing that anger and bitterness are poison. I remember the first of the chains falling off and the word freedom becoming rhema knowledge. I remember joy. I remember learning that the words "forgive me" are so much more powerful than the words "I'm sorry". I remember "You go be that woman.". I remember Isaiah 61 and the very last time that I questioned my calling and knowing that it wouldn't happen again. I remember boxing up my hat collection. I remember realizing that my life doesn't change by the man that's elected. I remember remembering that there's always a fourth man in the fire. I remember the easy button and I remember it didn't work. I remember wanting to want to. I remember realizing that I was an everday woman and that's saying something. I remember that for the first time in my life, the only person I wanted to be was me and deciding not to give up until I learned exactly who that was. I remember joy. I remember realizing that I can cook, in fact...I can do pretty much anything I put my mind to. I remember Isaiah 62. I remember the heartbreak of slavery and knowing that I have no choice. I remember honesty and forgiveness and knowing that that was the foundation that an amazing, out of this world love is going to grow from. I remember learning to shut up and show up. I remember that fear is the opposite of faith. I remember the moment that I knew, really knew that love is what brings about true change, that IT IS the love of God that brings men's hearts to repentance. Most of all I remember the words from Him that I have clung to this past year, the words that hold His promise for me, the words that are richer than even I know at this time, my "rock" words....

Beauty for ashes baby, beauty for ashes.

Restless

Till the final healing, I'm looking for you.