Restless

Till the final healing, I'm looking for you.

It just clicked

And don't apologize for all the tears you've cried, you've been way too strong now for all your life....

The sun comes up...it just does.

Best version of this song. ever.

P.S.

We have to remember that He doesn't call us to LIVE in the fire or valley...just to go THROUGH them. Through means you're going somewhere! And every little thing is gonna be alright...







Yes, I totally just mixed Bob Marley and Jesus. Ohhhhh, hahahaha....what will become of me! =)

Daniel

13 Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, 14 and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? 15 Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipe and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?”

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[c] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual 20 and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. 21 So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. 22 The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23 and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.

24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?”

They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.”
25 He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”

So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was NO SMELL OF FIRE ON THEM!


Daniel 3:13-26 (emphasis mine)


I LOVE this story. It's one of my favorites, for a lot of reasons, it's just so rich. But today, right now, as I am walking out this faith that He has opened my eyes to, I sure do relate to being in the fire. I understand making a commitment to God and then walking through the flames that are so high and so hot and so scary. Because let's face it...Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego were people just like us and they had faith and commitment but I bet if we asked them, they were a little frightened. Or maybe a lot frightened. But as I read this story today the promises of the fire leapt off the page. See, there was a fourth man in that fire with them and IT WAS JESUS! If He is asking you to walk through the fire, He IS NOT asking you to do it alone. No matter how hot things seem or how the fire rages, He's gonna walk it with you. He will ALWAYS show up. And Lord knows, in this world where it seems like people run at the first match being struck, it's nice to know that the perfect son of God will always be your "show-up".

And then the end...ahhhhh. After they had walked through that fire not only were they in NO WAY harmed....THEY DIDN'T EVEN SMELL LIKE SMOKE!!! How loudly does that, or should that speak to us. When God says He makes all things new...he doesn't mean kinda new or cleaned up a little. He means..."Baby we're going to go through the fire, and it's gonna be hot and fear is going to try to come but I promise you that I'm GOING to show up and walk every step with you and when you let me refine you through all of this you are going to be SO NEW that you won't even have the slightest sent of your smoke on you." His promises are so good and He can be trusted ya'll...we just gotta make a decision to trust Him, no matter how high the flames look.

"Beauty for ashes baby, beauty for ashes."

Ohhhh but you learn....

Yes, this song is old but seeing as I just belted it out in my kitchen like I was preforming for a crowd of 20,000, I think it's the one for today...I certainly do.

But right?!

You weren't there the night he found me, you did not feel what I felt when he wrapped his loving arms around me. And you don't know the cost....

For rememberence...

Me: (in the middle of giving God a long list of "but why" we have got a big set of problems on our hands) But God, he doesn't get my songs! That's such a big part of who I am! But God, he just doesn't get that part.

God: BUT that's because that's something that you and I share. I like it that way. I'm a jealous God. (said in a very kind wise-daddy-talking-to-his-silly-but-precious- daughter voice)

Me: Ohhh. =) Ok. =)


Gods but is bigger than my but. (hahahaha) =)

It's a music day folks...

So Good!!

"Tell me that He didn't put this passion in me if He just wanted me to be a house wife in Odessa, Texas. That just seems cruel. He wouldn't do that right? Can you tell I'm having a small faith crisis?"

"It's not small faith, it's misdirected faith...the better question is..God what do you want this small town housewife to do with all this faith?"

"Oh wow. That just caused me to have a revelation. The excitement, the fulfillment that I desire comes from God, not the location. Ohhhhhhh!!! So good!! Change my life good! Awesome."




I love it when God uses the unexpected. =)



Aaaannnddd...my new song. EVERY word of this song speaks to me. Oh, I'm so glad to be waking up.

I don't wanna fight this war...

Gotta MOVE!!

I just might bend but I won't break...

Just a little note...

to say I'm fine!! Lol...better than fine actually. I'm leaning on the everlasting arms and am full of joy there...even when my emotions don't exactly line up to the truth I know..lol. My recent blog posts and my fast from facebook has evidently been the cause of some concern from some of my peeps. I have such amazing friends and that humbles and blesses me. But just to clear things up...God is for me so who (and what) can be against me...I'm good. =)

Sometimes it can do you A WORLD of good to stop, refocus and see how very far you've come and not how very far you think you have to go. =)

After the Storm...

So....sometimes I really wonder if it's possible for other people to completely understand the depth and frequency of which God speaks to me through music. I know I've talked about it many times on this blog but I don't know if it's possible to convey how rich it is coming from Him or how much joy and truth it brings me.
Anyway, I heard this song and it resonated with me instantly in my spirit and soul which is no surprise seeing as it's Mumford and Sons and I swear to Bob (yes, I swear to Bob) they SO know my life the past year...it's almost scary. This song is a conversation between me and God... some of it now and some some of it in the recent past when I was in one of the most painful parts of this battle...this "process" if you will. Me falling on my knees and crying out in sadness and desperation and Him telling me Love is going to conquer all. And what's so amazing to me about God giving me this song is this line...

"Get over your hill and see what you'll find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

Cause see, that line just reaffirms to me how well my Jesus knows me. He knows that the thought of me with grace in my heart and flowers in my hair just makes my semi-hippie-self jump for joy! It's such a beautiful picture of me...in His freedom. I'm not completely over that hill yet, the level of freedom that He is lovingly taking me to in this time in my life is not complete. But, the picture that I can see of me by the calm stream with fullness of grace in my heart and flowers in my hair is just beyond these few more thorn bushes. And so I take Him by the hand and we stand tall and we walk because I know that the pain, is going to be so worth the end prize. He knows how to get to me. =)

And we'll all float on okay...

I dare you to listen to this song and not let it improve your day a little. I don't think it's possible. =)

I will rise...

out of the ashes, rise. From this trouble I've found and this rubble on the ground...I will rise. Cause He who is in me is greater than I will ever be and I will rise.

Hahahahahahaha....

I was just reading my post and realized that I kept putting Little Wayne instead of Lil Wayne. I'm so white.

How to love...

Ok, first of all, I have now set this blog up to be able to update it by text (it used to be my other one...you can only have one) and so that is gonna make for more blog posts. What can I say? I'm impulsive sometimes. Lol...sometimes. Anyway...

I hardly ever listen to hip hop on the radio anymore but tonight I was waiting at the airport and flipping through the channels and caught this song on the radio and I gotta say, it freaked me out a little bit. I mean don't get me wrong..I'm as big of a Little Wayne fan as the next white girl but the fact that he was I don't know, soft enough? Wise enough? Insightful enough? for his music to speak the way it did to me tonight was a little shocking. Don't know why I'm really all that surprised though...God speaks through me which is proof enough that he can use anybody. This song so reminded me of me...not as much in the present, although I'm fully aware that I don't completely comprehend how to love and be loved yet, but in the recent past. Oh and make no mistake, I realize that me and about a million other girls can relate to this song but I sooo heard God's voice through Little Wayne tonight. And I think that fact makes God smile...big.

PS...no need to comment Kim...I know exactly what you're thinking. =)

Little Wayne knows my life!?? Details to follow!

Lord let every move that I make tell the story of your grace.

He makes my heart smile...

Just read this tweet from Rev. Run...

Swag = (S)aved (W)ith (A)mazing (G)race

My Jesus makes ALLL things new! =)

The repercussions of not having a "super secret" blog......
Why am I COMPLETELY over it.......until I'm not over it ?!!?!?!???

Well, I did it...

After posting my final entry in my "blog that no one knows about so I get to just vomit at the mouth" last week, I deleted it today. And as hard as it was to push that delete button (and it was really hard!) the chapter was over and it was time to let that part of my life go. As I looked over the last 2 years of my life I laughed a lot and cried a whole lot and shuddered and reminisced and almost vomited at some of the places that I let the devil and my own insecurities take me...it was wonderful and horrible all at the same time. Which is funny because that is exactly how I have been describing this thing that I call "my process"...wonderfully horrible....awesomely sucky...amazingly terrible. But all in all the feeling that it left me with was thankfulness. Thankful to the people that walked my ugly places with me to the best of their limited ability. Thankful to the circumstances that no matter how hard I tried to make them...just weren't enough to fill me up. Thankful to the true roots in my life who truly loved me and were there for me regardless of how ugly those places got. And most of all thankful to my Father who turned up the heat and allowed His refiners fire to reveal the broken places in me. And all the while He never left me, never forsook me and covered me constantly...even in the height of my rebellion. I have learned quite a bit lately that I know without a doubt and one of those things that I have complete and total unshakable faith in is that my God brings beauty for ashes and makes ALL things new. And so...I am just thankful.
I'm not sure what I'll do now...now that I don't have a secret place to vomit. Maybe, I'll journal more...maybe I'll start vomiting here...we'll see. But for now, in true Jennifer fashion, I'll leave with a song. =)

Oraia

I have no words for how powerful this is...

Dear Mumford and Sons,
I love you.
That is all.

"Buckness"

This speaks, loudly, on so many different levels of my soul.

Please don't let me go...

Now I can see how deep you are in love with me
Quite honestly I can't love me how you love me
But obviously there's something that you want from me...

Won't you take lead...

Matter of fact I'm who I are. A trail of star dust leading to the Superstar....

Boxing up my hat collection...

Deep thoughts from the wilderness...

It's gotta be more like falling in love than something to believe in.

The enemy throws thoughts in your head to get you to agree with them...his power lies in your agreement.

To truly love someone you must love with God's love, not your own. When you feel as if you are exhausted of love, ask HIM for more...He's your source.

You must allow yourself to feel, to hurt...herein lies the healing.

It is HIS faithfulness that surrounds Him, not mine. (thank God!)

I am the one God's heart loves. By the way, you are too. =)

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree...bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When you pretend to be someone other than yourself, the only person you deceive is you.

When people tell you who they are, believe them.

The valley calls for praise.

Your life doesn't change by the man that's elected.

While I was still a slave He CALLED ME! He wants to use me because of where I've been, not in spite of it. He needs purple-haired tattooed girls too. =D

God ALWAYS blesses obedience. He NEVER asks you to do ANYTHING that's not for your good. The suffering is nothing compared to the glory.

The way you talk to yourself about yourself is among the most important words you will ever say.

HE is enthralled with us..absolutely enthralled.

Feeling things and admitting to those feelings takes an unbelievable amount of maturity.

The devil creates nothing..all he does is pervert.

My constant friend is He.

God honors "want to want to". He'll take it from there.

All the lies you've held inside so long, they are nothing in the shadow of the cross.
I'm beautiful.


To be continued...

Forgive me if I'm wrong but this is more than I can do...

The soundtrack continues...





Btw, I love everything about this video...=)

Keep your head up and let your hair down...

This is my current "dance it out in the kitchen" song, and I'm in love with all things Keenan..he just cracks me up. Love it...

Memory lane up in the headlights...

Ok so, there's nothing about me that wants to live on a ranch. I'm definitely not what you would call a country girl. But, I've got some southern in me for sure. My happy place right now is this song and me in an old truck driving down a dirt road slingin' mud...hitting easy street on mud tires.

Completely Incomplete

I don't even really know how to put into words right now the roller coaster of the last week. Nor do I know all the details of how that roller coaster fits into 'the process'. I do know that things rarely look like you think they will, that God has granted me a strength that I didn't know I had, that your "root" friends are priceless, and the extreme importance of those in our lives that we are blessed enough to call family. I do know that I love my Jesus. I know that He's carrying me. He's reaffirmed to me over and over that it really is all about LOVE. See, I can handle anything here on earth when I realize how vast, unconditional and never ending His love is for us and therefore He can be trusted. I feel Him cleaning me, revealing things to me about myself and others and showering me with mercy and grace. I have no idea what tomorrow looks like but I know He's got this.

Mirror in the sky, what is love...

Music always tells a story...

I have sat down at least 50 times to blog about what I, with as much contempt and affection as can possibly exist in one term, call..."my process". And I just can't. It's the strangest thing...it just ends up being too overwhelming and complicated to write. But, as I looked over my blog today, I realized what I have been doing is blogging the soundtrack to it for a while now. And let me tell you, that soundtrack speaks as loud, or louder as any words that I could write. So...

I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight, He unlocks these chains that bind up my soul...

3:33

My birthday song!! =)

It just takes some time little girl, you're in the middle of the ride...

Moved by You.

I've go no where left to hide, looks like Love has finally found me...

No really, EVERY word...


I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older

This mountain I must climb
Feels like the world's upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see Love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I want to know what love is
I want You to show me
I want to feel what love is
I know You can show me

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like Love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I want to know what love is
I want You to show me
I want to feel what love is
I know You can show me

I know You can show me...

What is love? I mean, really, what is it? I don't think that, today, I can completely answer that question for myself. Don't get me wrong there are people that I know I love in my life...quite a few of them...but to sit down and completely write a definition to that word to end all words...I couldn't do it. See, there is a huge difference between want, need, desire, crave and LOVE. And I think a tragic number of people in this life cannot separate those things. So I am diligently asking the One who IS love to teach me because I have never wanted to learn anything more.

Hearing things through spiritual ears...=)

Decide what to be and go be it.

There is no pain, hurt, suffering that you go through that hasn't passed through His hands first. He knows when you're ready to hurt to heal and hurting with Him, in His timing, is hurting with an UNBELIEVABLE amount of hope mixed in the pain. The overwhelming peace that comes with knowing, really knowing, that all things...EVERYTHING...is working for your good is precious, just precious. I'm Gods girl, resting in His arms and His arms alone and there's no more beautiful place to be.

In hopes that I will never again forget...

Isaiah 61


1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because THE LORD HAS ANOINTED ME
to proclaim good news to the poor.
HE HAS SENT ME to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

(emphasis mine) =)



Here I am Lord, send me...

How He Loves

Because of where I am in my life right now music is my lifeblood. And my Heavenly Father keeps just giving me songs. I'll just hear it and I'll know that this is my song...from my Daddy. And I realized this morning that every one of those songs have told me how worthy, or loved, or beautiful that I am to Him. This is amazing to me in a way that I could never express with mere words. See, I know me...and I know the chastisement that I deserve. But what the Creator of the Universe, the King of all Kings, the Ancient of Days, the Lord God Almighty wants me to know right now is that I am beautiful and worthy and loved and for today that's enough...for Him and for me.