My life has been crazy, crazy busy since Thanksgiving. Lubbock, Thanksgiving, Beth Moore conference, Lubbock again, skiing, Christmas in El Paso, Christmas in Odessa, New Years. And in the midst of all of that, being a mom and lots of time with my friends. And today I just feel like it all screeched to a startling stop, and I have a little whiplash from it. I am a person who needs or maybe just likes something to look forward to. And that's what I can't figure out...is the want to have something to look forward to, something that makes me excited, is that a need that God wants me to get rid of or is it how he made me? I've asked him for clarification on this issue and I'm sure He will reveal it to me...just probably not in the timing that I think He should.
On another front, I have been thinking for a while that I have forgotten who I am. Which got me to wondering if I ever really knew and that I have to admit...threw me into a little bit of an anxiety attack. And then in a weird twist of fate I found a note that I wrote on facebook almost a year ago...25 things about me..this is what I wrote:
1. I know this man named Jesus and He changed my life...I hope you know Him too.
2. I have had the same best friend since I was 5. She continually enriches my life. Love you Moca!
3. I love politics. My dad ran for State Representative and I helped run his campaign...he didn't win but we sure had fun.
4. I have lots of family from every unconventional way you can think of...4 brothers, 2 sisters, 2-brother-in-law, 4 sister-in-laws, 4 nieces, 3 nephews, moms, dads...the list could go on. I love my family...there is no greater blessing.
5. I have 2 boys that continually amaze me...Kaden,4 and Kohl, 18 months. I was trying to explain the Holy Spirit to Kaden yesterday and after a really bad explanation on my part he said..."So the Holy Ghost gives you Jesus power?" Wow..I should write that down...couldn't have said it any better.
6. That leads me to number 6. I believe that being a Mom is one of the most important jobs in the world. The fact that God trusted me with these children is a responsibility that I don't take lightly.
7. Wow I really can't believe I am saying this one...this is something I usually have to sit someone down and swear them to secrecy before I admit...but here goes - I love Neil Diamond..not just like, love. Cracklin' Rosie get on board.....okay, lets move on.
8. On that note (pun intended)...I love music. All music. I am pretty sure that the IPOD came straight from heaven. God cares about these things.
9. I love books. People who can write something that inspires, educates or really entertains, amaze me.
10. I am super analytical. I love to look at a situation and "figure it out". It is a blessing and a curse..just ask my husband.
11. I absolutely love people. They energize me. Not to be repetitive, but this too is a blessing and a curse.
12. My husband is a DJ. I have turntables in my living room right now..and surprisingly that is okay with me.
13. I was Bohemian when Bohemian wasn't cool.
14. I am an oil man's daughter. A field full of pump jacks is a beautiful sight to me.
15. I have lived in just about every major city in Texas...and then settled back in Odessa...it really is a big magnet.
16. I love football. When I was about 10 my family started spending every Thanksgiving at Texas Stadium..fun times! Go Cowboys!
17. My mom passed away of breast cancer when I was 16...I still miss her every day.
18. I was on the debate team in high school..I know it sounds dorky but I loved it. I think communication is an amazing skill.
19. My favorite restaurant is P. F. Changs. If you haven't had their lettuce wraps you haven't really lived.
20. I love chocolate. Today I found out that a Christian man invented Hershey's which just confirmed what I already knew...chocolate came from God.
21. Looking back at my list - I really like to use the three dots...
22. My first car was a Nissan Pulsar. I called it my Tonka Toy - it was really small.
23. It is exciting to think that we are really just starting to live out what God has called my family to do. I can't wait to see where He takes us.
24. I want to travel. There are so many places that I want to see.
25. I would love to adopt a child. I don't know if God has it in my future but I am definitely willing.
I read this list and most of my anxiety left because as much that has changed since then the above 25 things are still true. So I know those things today and for today that is enough. There truly is smoke in front of my mirror but I feel like it is starting to blow away...very slowly but at least it's forward progress.
Finally, I fear that this blog may become an obsession to me...it makes me lighter to write things down, maybe that's why God's been telling me to do it. And Tamara...I'm buying you cocktail napkins for your birthday.
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